Capture Your Grief: Days 12-14

Day 12: Music
There are several pieces of music that I listen to that remind me of Gage. "Homesick" by MercyMe was played at his funeral and the words accurately describe how I feel.  I recently heard the song "Dancing In The Sky" and it has become one of my new favorites.

Day 13: Season
I associate winter with Gage.  All of my memories happened in February 2012.  He was born and died all in the same week.

Day 14: Dark/Light
Looking back I can say there have been both dark and light moments since Gage's passing.  There is so much tragedy/trauma that we experienced during this time.  I will never forget watching as the paramedics worked on my 3 day old son or seeing my older children hide behind the couch as Gage was rushed out of the house and to the hospital.  I will never forget watching as my baby was buried into the ground.  I will never forget the weeks and months that followed his death and the struggle we had as we tried to get back to our normal lives.  I will never forget the hundreds of questions that I am asked by three brothers who don't understand why their baby had to die.  I never experienced death or suffering as a child.  One of the hardest things is knowing what my three older children have experienced at such a young age and trying to help them deal with it as best as I know how.

Our son Lane is the light that has come into our lives since we lost Gage.  It was difficult not to worry throughout his entire pregnancy and especially when we first brought him home.  He has brought so much joy and happiness into our family.  I love to watch my boys interact and be so protective over him.  I feel like he has shown us how to truly smile again.  He has not and won't ever replace Gage but I also know that he wouldn't be with us if we hadn't lost Gage.  I am glad that we chose not to live the rest of our lives in fear and had faith that we wouldn't experience the same tragedy all over again. There will always be some darkness but I can honestly say there is a light of hope.  I now try to live my life remembering Gage and longing for the day that I will see him again. #captureyourgrief #whathealsyourheart

Capture Your Grief is a mindful healing project for anyone who is grieving the death of a baby or child of any age or gestation. If you are not grieving the death of a child but a loved one and would like to raise awareness for the bereaved parents community, we welcome you to take part as well to help us spread the word about our community. For more information visit CarlyMarie Project Heal at  http://carlymarieprojectheal.com/2014/09/capture-your-grief-2014.html